


Just your average texting fic where they are basically all orphans or foster parents :)

by Tree_Owl



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Enderman Hybrid Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Everyone else is human because idk, Fluff, Gen, Hybrid Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Hybrid Jschlatt (Video Blogging RPF), Hybrid Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, ah ha ha guess what im gonna do instead of paying attention in school tmr????, also if yall ship minors get the fuck out of here please :), i was listening to classical music while writing this help, write more chapters because i have nothing else to do except update my other story, you guessed it :)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:08:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29118012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tree_Owl/pseuds/Tree_Owl
Summary: the title explains it all- must I say more...... oh they are also in high school except for Phil and jschlattRated T for some swearing!!!
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Comments: 23
Kudos: 278





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Lmao, I here are the nicknames I guess-
> 
> Tommy- BIG MAN  
> Tubbo- BEES  
> Ranboo- Gen Z Incarnate  
> Wilbur- protective older brother  
> TechnoBlade- Orphan Slayer 3000  
> Dream- Satan reincarnate  
> Quackity- BIG Q  
> Sapnap- Samsung French Door Refrigerator, 36-inch Width, ENERGY STAR Certified, 26.5 cu. ft. Capacity, Exterior Water Dispenser, Freezer Located Ice Dispenser, LED Lighting, Fingerprint Resistant, Stainless Steel color  
> George- Howdy Howdy neighbourino  
> Karl- #KarlNap for life  
> Purpled- Purpled Bedwars  
> JSchlatt- jshit  
> Ph1lza- cumza rules all
> 
> ALSO POV THEY ARE ALL IN HIGH SCHOOL
> 
> oh and la group chats:
> 
> Please please I need to get out help, please- everyone (except Phil)  
> mine diamonds- Purpled, Tommy, Tubbo, Ranboo  
> SBI+others- all of SBI and sometimes some guests are added but they are removed soon after  
> THE DREAM TEAM BABEYYYYYY- it's pretty self-explanatory it's just the dream team.  
> Others may be added :D
> 
> !!All the lowercases in the story and whatever are intentional!!

-BIG MAN added BEES + 11 others to 'Please please I need to get out help, please'

BIG MAN: GUYS HELP I AM STUCK IN A LAUNDRY MACHINE

Gen Z Incarnate: sounds like a you problem.

BIG MAN: OH RANBOO IT IS GOING TO VERY MUCH BE A YOU PROBLEM WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE I SWEAR TO FUCK!

Orphan Slayer 3000: good thing no one is coming to get you out then.

BEES: oh r we not going to get tomy out

BIG Q: yeah I kinda wanna see what happens if we leave him there.  
BIG Q: plus how the fuck do you even get stuck in a fucking laundry machine  
BIG Q: you deserve to be in there gremlin.

#KarlNap for life: OHHH ANY TRUERS IN THE CHAT???

Samsung French Door Refrigerator, 36-inch Width, ENERGY STAR Certified, 26.5 cu. ft. Capacity, Exterior Water Dispenser, Freezer Located Ice Dispenser, LED Lighting, Fingerprint Resistant, Stainless Steel color: kaRL!1!!1!

#KarlNap for life: SAPPY NAPPY

BIG Q: what the fuck so im being left out now

Samsung French Door Refrigerator, 36-inch Width, ENERGY STAR Certified, 26.5 cu. ft. Capacity, Exterior Water Dispenser, Freezer Located Ice Dispenser, LED Lighting, Fingerprint Resistant, Stainless Steel color: yes we have moved on without out you.

#KarlNap for life: listen sap please change your god damned nickname i cannot fucking deal with it anymore.

-Samsung French Door Refrigerator, 36-inch Width, ENERGY STAR Certified, 26.5 cu. ft. Capacity, Exterior Water Dispenser, Freezer Located Ice Dispenser, LED Lighting, Fingerprint Resistant, Stainless Steel color- has changed their name to -Sappitus Nappitus-

#KarlNap for life: Thank you.

BIG MAN: guys please help ranboo ran over to my house and is now laughing at me while i try to get out this is not very fun

Orphan Slayer 3000: tommy not speaking in all caps? what the hell is this?

BIG MAN: WHY DONT YOU JUST SAY FUCK MAN

Orphan Slayer 3000: my monitization tommy.

BIG MAN: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN BIG MAN!!??

Orphan Slayer 3000: of course i should've known that a mere mortal couldn't handle my sheer power.

Gen Z Incarnate: honestly has an orphan who has yet to be adopted i am very very scared for my safety in this gc.

Orphan Slayer 3000: ORPHAN!? AND DID YOU SAY YOU ARE STILL AN ORPHAN!? tommy you said hes at our house right?

BIG MAN: yep right here.

Gen Z Incarnate: honestly i think i am ready to die. i have fulfilled my lifes purpose of mastering the skill of pickpocketing and i am ready to go. so ill jsut wait on your couch and you can just yknow. maybe make it quick though. id prefer to die quickly but whatever you have in mind works techno.

Orphan Slayer 3000: i am pleased to say i now get ranboo's name. 

Orphan Slayer 3000: ill be there in a minute ranboo.

Gen Z Incarnate: ok ¯\\_( ͡❛ ͜ʖ ͡❛)_/¯

-7 minutes later-

Gen Z Incarnate: are you here yet im starting to get bored. @Orphan Slayer 3000

Orphan Slayer 3000: almost. be patient child.

Gen Z Incarnate: ok ¯\\_( ͡❛ ͜ʖ ͡❛)_/¯

Orphan Slayer 3000: every single time you use that stupid face is one more minute im gonna waste.

Gen Z Incarnate: ok¯\\_( ͡❛ ͜ʖ ͡❛)_/¯

jshit: balls of fucking steel i swear to god.

Gen Z Incarnate: ok ¯\\_( ͡❛ ͜ʖ ͡❛)_/¯

BIG MAN: RANBOOB I SEE TECHNO YOU BETTER RUN!

Gen Z Incarnate: ok ¯\\_( ͡❛ ͜ʖ ͡❛)_/¯ but i do not fear death tom knee.

jshit: is this kid still up for adoption i want him.

BEES: plz no sclat dot take ranboob

jshit: I SCROLLED UP AND HE IS A MASTER PICKPOCKETER!? I AM SO GOING TO ADOPT THIS CHILD.

protective older brother: as much as i h8 to say it jshit ur like 19 and fresh out of high school. goodluck with getting approved.

jshit: hey wilbur ;) we could raise the child together if you wanted;)

protective older brother: as much as i would like that hes like 14 almost 15 we would not be raising him.

jshit: but u wanna adopt him with me????

protective older brother: wanna is a strong word. more like make sure you dont traumatize the kid even more then what he already is.

jshit: who said i was going to traumatize him???????

-image ID: ################### -The picture is of Wilbur staring deadpan into the camera having that look in his eyes almost as if he was judging Schaltt.-

jshit: woah u look so hot

-protective older brother has left the groupchat-

-BIG MAN has added protective older brother to the groupchat

BIG MAN: you are not escaping that easily.

jshit: u have been here the whole time/???

BIG MAN: WELL WHAT THE FUCK SHOULD I DO THEN SCHALTT HUH??

Gen Z Incarnate: see tom knee that was very nice but what you should've added at the end was: '##################################'

BIG MAN: THOSE ARE JUST FUCKING HASHTAGS oh and congrats ur alive

Gen Z Incarnate: Gimme 50 bucks and ill tellyou what you shouldve said so you can keep it for next time.

BIG MAN: HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSIED TO B FIND FUCKING 50 FUCIIGN DOLLARS I SWEQAR TO GOD PLQASE

Gen Z Incarnate: listen i gotta make money somehow.


	2. ah ha ha ha ha lets please pretend i did not accidently delete this chapter and have to rewrite it ah ha ha ha

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> look at the title of the chapter. im gonna lose it

Gen Z Incarnate: hey tom knee i found your wallet outside the school.

BIG MAN: I DONT BRING MY WALLET TO SCHOOL YOU FUCKER HA HA YOU CANT PRANK ME BITCH

Orphan Slayer 3000: tommy where is your wallet i want to see if ranboo has it or not

BIG MAN: i think i left it on the counter if you steal from me i will fucking kill yoi bitch

-private dm's between Orphan Slayer 3000 & Gen Z Incarnate- 

Orphan Slayer 3000: you pickpocketed tommy didnt you.

Gen Z Incarnate: yes i did what are you gonna do about it lololololololol

Orphan Slayer 3000: honestly idc but can you buy me a phone i know i have a lot of money but like i need it for collage so i dont wanna waste money on a new one. also i prefer Samsung.  
((((AN you cannot tell me apple is better. like sure maybe the aesthetic is better but the fucking system and setup is and always will be superior and apple literally uses fucking samsung parts so fuck you/j))))

Gen Z Incarnate: ok ¯\\_( ͡❛ ͜ʖ ͡❛)_/¯

-Please please I need to get out help, please groupchat- 

BIG MAN: techno please tell me why i just got a notification saying that i have purchased 2 galaxy note 10+s for over 1700 dollars

Orphan Slayer 3000: why would i know your wallet just wasnt there.

BIG MAN: RANBVOO WHERE THJE FUCK IS MYN WLALTER AND YHOU BETTER FUCKING REFUND THNOSE PHONES RN YYOYU BBITCH

Gen Z Incarnate: no<3

BIG MAN: FINE IF YHOU WPNT REFUJND THEM GIBVE ME BACK MY WALLET KI DONT KNOW HOW TOL CACLE MYH CREDIT CAFD PLEASE RAVNBPOO TYHATS FOR MHY COLLAGE SAVINBGS

Gen Z Incarnate: no<3 sound like a you problem plus the phones are ready to pick up tmr so i mean to late

Sappitus Nappitus: ranboo my best best best friend forever please may you buy me a pet cat there is this one i really bond with and we love eachother so much but he is 600 dollars and i simply dont have that money

Gen Z Incarnate: yeah sure whats ur paypal for some reason tommy leaves his paypal password in his wallet so i changed his password and logged him out and btw mans is rich rich and also does not know how to fucking put two factor authentication on

Sappitus Nappitus: of course ill dm it to you.

-approximately a minute later-

Sappitus Nappitus: karl were adopting a cat

#KarlNap for life: wait really???

Sappitus Nappitus: yeah ranboo gave me money to adopt it and even more to get food and toys

BIG Q: im in the same dorm as you why didnt you ask me

Sappitus Nappitus: sounds like a you problem

BIG Q: what the fuck do you mean sounds like a me problem icouldve been allergic to cats for all you know

Gen Z Incarnate: lmao i think sapnap is allergic to ur bs becuz he literally knows u used to be a crazy cat lady

Sappitus Nappitus: thank u ranboo that is alot better than anything i could ever come up with.

Gen Z Incarnate: no problem.

BIG MAN: WHY THE FUCK DID I JUST GET A NOTIF FROM MY BANK SAYING I HAVE BOUGHT 1036 DOLLARS WORTH OF MINECRAFT MERCH!??? WHAT THE FUCK RANBOO GIVE IT BACK

Gen Z Incarnate: sounds like a you problem. anyways who wants tommys credit card info everyone who does say 'i'

Orphan Slayer 3000: i

protective older brother: i

Satan reincarnate: i

BIG Q: i

Sappitus Nappitus: i

howdy howdy neighborino: i

#KarlNap for life: i

Purpled Bedwars: i

jshit: i

BIG MAN: FUCK ALL OF YOU ATKEATS FUCKING TUBBOS GOT MHY BACK YOUR ALL BITCHJES

BEES: i

BIG MAN: FUCK YHOU TOO TUBVOIO

BEES: D:


	3. Purpled Bedwars: hey george do u know joe???

-Please please I need to get out help, please Groupchat-

Purpled Bedwars: hey george do you know joe???

howdy howdy neighborino: wait what is he like a new kid in our school or something??? whos joe???

Purpled Bedwars: JOE MAMAAAAAAAA

-howdy howdy neighborino had left the groupchat-  
-Satan reincarnate has added howdy howdy neighborino to the group-

howdy howdy neighborino: i dont want to be here anymore i am going to sleep.

BIG MAN: gogy is gone Pog

Orphan Slayer 3000: 🦀gogy is gone crabrave🦀

BIG Q: 🦀gogy is gone crabrave🦀

Satan reincarnate: next person who says that i'm going to show up at your house.

Gen Z Incarnate: bet.

Orphan Slayer 3000: no please ranboo i actually respect you

Gen Z Incarnate:🦀

protective older brother: ranboo please this man will show up at your house and i do not want to go to your funeral

Gen Z Incarnate: 🦀gogy 

BIG MAN: LMAO RANBOO IS GONNA DIEEEEE

Gen Z Incarnate: 🦀gogy is gone

Satan reincarnate: just got your address from the principle :) wanna continue with that ranboo?

#KarlNap for life: how tf did you get that from the principle-

Satan reincarnate: perks of being the favorite i guess

Gen Z Incarnate: 🦀gogy is gone crabrave

Satan reincarante: ranboo last chance. i will spare you if you stop now.

BEES: wait whast goinbg on

Orphan Slayer 3000: the one person i respect in this grouchapt is bouta get murdered.

protective older brother: wow picking favorites really runs in the family doesn't it.

Sappitus Nappitus: you did not-

protective older brother: i did

Gen Z Incarnate: 🦀gogy is gone crabrave🦀  
Gen Z Incarnate: dream im waiting outside btw

Satan reincarnate: great im alreayd in the car. ill be there in a few ranboo.

Gen Z Incarnate: alright. i am ready for death mr. gogys boyfriend

Satan reincarnate: i am now speeding.

Gen Z Incarnate:🦀dream is getting arrested crabrave🦀

Satan reincarnate: your dead.

Gen Z Incarnate: on the inside definitely.

Orphan Slayer 3000: the more this goes on the more respect ranboo gains from me

Sappitus Nappitus: i think its the same for everyone else except for dream.


	4. BIG MAN: RANBOO IF YOU ARE WEARING MINECRAFT MERCH-

BIG MAN: RANBOO IF YOU ARE WEARING MINECRAFT MERCH

Gen Z Incarnate: i am  
Gen Z Incarnate: howd u even know

BIG MAN: MY FUCKING INSTITUTION

Gen Z Incarnate: oooohh you have an institution? 

Orphan Slayer 3000: tommy i would watch your mouth very very carefully

protective older brother: TECHNO HAS A SWEET SPOT FOR RANBOO TECHNO HAS A SWEET SPOT FOR RANBOO

Orphan Slayer 3000: dream can i borrow your sword mine isnt cleaned yet

Satan reincarnate: yeah sure i'll be over soon.

Orphan Slayer 3000: thanks 

protective older brother: tommy we must ran away to chicago and start new lives with new identities 

BIG MAN: I AINT NO FUCKING PUSSY WILBUR I CAN TAKE TECHNO AND DREAM I AM A BIG MAN WILBUR YOUR JUST A FUCKING PUSSY

protective older brother: dream just pulled into the driveway tommy.

Purpled Bedwars: i can hear tommy screaming from my house. i live three houses over guys. 

BIG MAN: BIG MEN DO NOT SCREAM AND I WILL NOT FUCKLING STAND FOR THIE SOGEHJDNSGBdjhfbv 

Purpled Bedwars: lmao he gone

BEES: tommy is gone lol 

protective older brother: hey anyone wanna hang out?????

Sappitus Nappitus: of course wilbur im actually already inside your house so unlock your door and i will just let myself in and we can go

protective older brother: ok

Satan reincarnate: LMAO HE FEEL FOR IT  
Satan reincarnate: I JUST HAD SAPNAPS PHONE LLLLLL

#KarlNap for life: hold on. while i was talking to sapnap earlier- was that you-?

Satan reincarnate: nah i only got the phone at lunch during school.

#KarlNap for life: ok good

Satan reincarnate: i am so good at lying.  
Satan reincarnate: ive had it since last night lmao

#KarlNap for life: WHAT THE HONK

BEES: um guys 

BIG Q: yeah???

BEES: i walked in to check on tommy and wilbur. I walk in and just see ranboo sitting on the floor with tommy, techno, sapnap, wilbur, dream's phones infront of him. typing very frantically on all of them.

BIG Q : hes got everyone. tubbo does not type that well.

jshit: please please i need to adopt this child i can make so so much money from the pickpocketing 

Gen Z Incarnate: guys what should I do tommy techno sapnap dream and wilbur are all hunting me down. 

jshit: idk you can hide at my place make sure to bring their phones though we can threaten to get them cancelled on twitter if they try to come over.

Gen Z Incarnate: ok ill be there soon

jshit: i havnt ever told you where i live-

Gen Z Incarnate: its saved on wilburs phone

Purpled Bedwars: WAIT GUSY HOW DID RANBOO KNOW ALL THE PASSWORDS

BIG Q: OH FUCK RANBOOS A HACKER GUYS  
BIG Q: DO NOT GET DDOSSED GUYS

Purpled Bedwars: HOW TF ARE YOU A MASTER PICKPOCKETER AND HACKER WHAT THE FUCK MAN 

Gen Z Incarnate: dead men tell no tales.

BIG Q: your not dead-

Gen Z Incarnate: i will be if they catch me  
Gen Z Incarnate: schlatt lock every single door and window except for the front one. i will burst through he front door and lock it behind me

jshit: wait since when do i take orders from a fucking high schooler-

Gen Z Incarnate: also please have a glass of water WITH A STRAW please

jshit: why with a straw

Gen Z Incarnate: i am half enderman schlatt.

jshit: oh.

Purpled Bedwars: im paranoid what if this is just all ranboo and im the onyl one who actually has my phone and ranboo is coming for me next

BIG Q: i am thinking the same thing-


	5. Orphan Slayer 3000: it was kinda funny tho

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry about taking a little break!! I am back now :D

protective older brother: i swear to fucking god i am going to kill ranboo when i find him

#KarlNap for life: you guys got your phones back??

BEES: yeah we foudn them at a random mcdonalds he led ustoo

BIG MAN: A LITERAL FUCKING EMPLOYEE GAVE THEM TO US AND JUST TOLD US THAT SOMEONE HAD GIVEN THEM TO THEM AAND TO NOT SAY WHERE THEY WENT

Orphan Slayer 3000: it was kinda funny tho

howdy howdy neighborino: Please techno, you literally plan to major in English when you go to collage why can't you just type properly?

Orphan Slayer 3000: typing properly is for nerds.

jshit: wait hold on did you guys say ranboo just gave your phones to a rando mcdonalds employee and then ran off after telling the employee to give them to you??

BIG MAN: YES HE FUCKING DID WHAT ABOUT IT FUCK YIUY BITCH

jshit: i need the adoption papers please 

Orphan Slayer 3000: i know someone who could help

BIG MAN: TECHNO DONT YOUY FUCING DARE ADD DADTO THE GOD DAMNED GTROUPCHAT ILL FUCUGN STAB YOU BITCH

-Orphan Slayer 3000 has added cumza rules all to the Groupchat-

-mine diamonds Groupchat-

Purpled Bedwars: who the fuck is cumza rules all

BIG MAN: hes our fucking dad you wanna talk bad baout him bitch

Purpled Bedwars: nah im just wondering what the fuck is a cumza

BEES: dont say anythigbn tommy

BIG MAN: FUCK OFF BITCH YOU CANT TELL E WHAT TO DO!!! >:(

BEES: :(

BIG MAN: wait no tubbo please im sorry

BEES: ok

BIG MAN: where tf is ranboob normally hed be here complainign about the fuckign notifications

-Please please I need to get out help, please Groupchat-

BIG MAN: HAS ANYONE FUCKING SEEN RANBOOB

howdy howdy neighborino: No, but apparently Dream is still hunting him.

Sappitus Nappitus: wait dream hasnt caught him yet?? damn schlatt u really need to adopt this guy hes fuckign magical or some shit   
Sappitus Nappitus: people cant even go ten minutes without gettign caught by the guy but its ben fucking 3 hours.

jshit: please does anyone know how i get the adoption papers

cumza rules all: i do

jshit: 1 who tf are you 2 how??

cumza rules all: ill dm you later when we find the guy.   
cumza rules all: cant adopt someone whos missing. i speak from experience 

jshit: wait how tf do you have experience int hat

cumza rules all: i do not share my secrets

Orphan Slayer 3000: when he tried to adopt me i ran away and they didnt let him sign the papers until they found me.

jshit: wait your an orphan??

Orphan Slayer 3000: yeah and 

jshit: *stares intently at your nickname-

Orphan Slayer 3000: screw off mister 'i want to adopt the thieve and hacker so i can steal money from people and not have to work a job'

jshit: woahhhh fuck you buddy i have a gun

Orphan Slayer 3000: i ahve so many knives

jshit: holy shit i have found the living version of 'bring a knife to a gun fight'

Orphan Slayer 3000: i know where you live.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it!!! I have a question, would you guys like it more if it was just a texting fic or would you want some like actual story??? 
> 
> Also! My friend streams on twitch and I'm trying to get them to 50 followers so they can get affiliate! Genuinely their streams are actually really entertaining and really funny, you don't have to but I would genuinely appreciate it so much if you could go and follow them! When they get to 50 followers I will make an extra long chapter as well!!! https://www.twitch.tv/ghostofthepark
> 
> Of course if you don't want to follow them you don't need to and don't feel pressured!!!


	6. Gen Z Incarnate: how close are you to catching me im getting bored

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> UH THANK YOU FOR 150 KUDOS LMAO AND 1000+ HITS!!! THIS IS BASICALLY AN EXTRA CHAPTER TODAY AS THANKS!! AGAIN THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

Gen Z Incarnate: how close are you to catching me im getting bored

Satan Reincarnate: oh my god you're just taunting me now

Gen Z Incarnate: @Sappitus Nappitus @howdy howdy neighborino guys i thought he was supposed to be good at this

Sappitus Nappitus: he is. your just better i guess

Satan Reincarnate: HES NOT BETETR THAN ME

howdy howdy neighborino: Dream, you catch normal people within like 10 minutes normally. He has been on the run for over 7 hours at this point and you haven't even SEEN him, he is better then you.

Satan Reincarnate: ranboo please ill give you 10k if you make this easier

Gen Z Incarnate: mmmm no

Satan Reincarnate: what the fuck this kid is a god damn idiot

howdy howdy neighborino: Ranboo I see what your doing lol. Good job honestly.

Gen Z Incarnate: at least someone appreciates me

BIG MAN: YOU LITERALLY STOLE MTY PHONE AND KEYPT IT FROM ME FOR LIKE TWENTY DAYHSSS

Gen Z Incarnate: i only had yours for 14 hours 56 minutes and 39 seconds.

BEES: wait tommys phone was the first one stolen and we onyl got the phone fromt he mcdonalds 18 hours after you took his.

Orphan Slayer 3000: ranboo is twenty steps ahead of all of us.

Satan Reincarnate: please ranboo ill double it make it easier

Gen Z Incarnate: lmao L but fine i will make it a bit easier but leave the money at #### ######### #### # # ######## ##### ###  
Gen Z Incarnate: i will be there to collect it in 20 minutes. i want it all in cash

jshit: jesus christ please ranboo stop i feel the need to adopt you even more now.

-23 Minutes Later-

Satan Reincarnate: DID YOU JUST FUCKING TELEPORT WHAT THE FUCK

Gen Z Incarnate: no r u blind

Satan Reincarnate: I FUCKING BLINKED AND HE WAS GONE IM NOT JOKIGN I WAS WATCHING THE MONEY AND I BLINK AND THEN THE MONEY IS JUST GONE AND THERE IS NO TRACE OF RANBOO

Gen Z Incarnate: im going to a bank if you wanna find me

Satan Reincarnate: please what bank

Gen Z Incarnate: no <3

cumza rules all: please wjhat even happened why is ranboo getting fuckign 20k in cash from dream

Orphan Slayer 3000: ranboo stole wilburs tommy tubbo dream sapnap and my phones and didnt give them back to us for a while. he gave it to a mcdnalds employee working at the mcdonalds he led us too. and we recently learned that we were 3 hours behind him. like we got there 3 hours after the pheones were given to the employee. but we didnt knwo that. anyways now dream is chasing ranboo and has been for 7 hours and still hasnt caught him so he was begging ranboo to make it easier so he gave him 20k to make it easier

cumza rules all: what the fuck can i adopt him

jshit: no im in the process of adopting him

cumza rules all: no your not i want him

jshit: but i wanted him first

cumza rules all: but technoblade wants him as his brother 

jshit: yeah but you already have 4 kids adopted

cumza rules all: yeah but that jsut means i ahve experience with adopting children

jshit: yeah but how would i gain experience before adopting

cumza rules all: i fostered befroe i adopted

jshit: yeah but i wanna adopt first

cumza rules all: yeah but thats stupid  
cumza rules all: dumb motherfucker

jshit: fuck you 

Gen Z Incarnate: this is very entertaining honestly

Orphan Slayer 3000: agreed

howdy howdy neighborino: lmao dream just messaged me that hes going to every single bank in town and asking if theyve seen you

Sappitus Nappitus: jesus christ how has he not been caught

Gen Z Incarnate: i do not share my secrets 

jshit: wait ranboo would you rather be adopted by me or phil

Gen Z Incarnate: probably you you seem like you would let me go out past 12 and i wouldnt have to sneak out

jshit: yeah i really dont care

protective older brother: once phil got mad at me for sneaking out at 11

Gen Z Incarnate: schlatt adopt me before phil does please

jshit: okay


	7. UHHHHHHHHHH

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yknow if I just straight up didn't update for a month and a bit no I didn't. I did not. Shhhhhh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: dr*gs.
> 
> Tommy- BIG MAN  
> Tubbo- BEES  
> Ranboo- Gen Z Incarnate  
> Wilbur- protective older brother  
> TechnoBlade- Orphan Slayer 3000  
> Dream- Satan reincarnate  
> Quackity- BIG Q  
> Sapnap-Sappitus Nappitus  
> George- Howdy Howdy neighbourino  
> Karl- #KarlNap for life  
> Purpled- Purpled Bedwars  
> JSchlatt- jshit  
> Ph1lza- cumza rules all

BIG Q: yeah  
DRUGS  
Woooooo  
get excited with me  
mmm  
yea  
Wooo

BIG MAN: what if did hard drugs

cumza rules all: no

BEES: ranboo hasnbt talkefd to ne for aw eek.

jshit: of shit did dream get the kid?

Purpled Bedwars: nah i saw him at the gas station 6 miles out of town grabbing some beef jerky

jshit: b-beef j-jerky?

Purpled Bedwars: Yeah?

Protective older brother: oh shit

jshit: i once had to eat only beef jerky for a week. do not recommend.

Satan Reincarnate: wait purpled why were you out of town?

Purpled Bedwars: movies

Satan Reincarnate: wtf why didnt you take me

Purpled Bedwars: I offered. You said no. Because you're still hunting Ranboo.

Gen Z Incarnate: can confirm he is still chasing me.

Satan Reincarnate: fuck it ima cheat if he doesnt show up within the hour. im in the alleyway where our last showdown happened

Orphan Slayer 3000: you imply that their have been multiple? Dream you hurt ranboo and you are gonna have to go hunting for a new body. 

Satan Reincarnate: What are you gonna do mister

Orphan Slayer 3000: youll see if you hurt him.

jshit: techno ill beat him up with you  
also uh ranboo can you pls come back soon i cant adopt you if your missing

Sappitus Nappitus: WAIT IS THE HUNT STILL GOING ON? 

Howdy Howdy Neighborino: I refuse to believe?

#KarlNap for life: if it is a will donate my left kidney

Satan Reincarnate: it is.

#KarlNap for life: ITS BEEN A MONTH?

Satan Reincarnate: Fuck it. @Gen Z Incarnate :)

Orphan Slayer 3000: what does that mean?

BEES: uh whatf u do?

Satan Reincarnate: youll see eventually.

**Author's Note:**

> honestly no clue why i wrote this or why i am going to continue to write this but idk i am bored a lot. also kudos and comments are appreciated but dont feel pressured too! :D
> 
> and remember to eat something and get some food and sleep into your system!!!
> 
> ALSO PLEASE READ THIS!! THIS WAS HEAVILY INSPIRED BY Lexzo's L’Manburg Bias. Please go check it out!


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